To read part 1 of this article, please click here.
1) Seek forgiveness: In a dispute, Shaytaan makes us assume that we are right. When someone then advises us to seek forgiveness, the question arises, ‘Why must I always be the one to ask for forgiveness first?’ A true believer knows, he must be the one to seek forgiveness first because he is in most need of reward from Allah. Rather than questioning who is right or wrong, capitalise on the situation by forgiving and securing reward from Allah.
2) Tame your ego: Some disputes ensue due to our ego. How could he or she say this or that, is our concern. When a mediator attempts to bring peace, some angrily respond, ‘Do you know what he said?’ Some arrogantly respond, ‘Do you know who I am?’ as though they have been guaranteed Jannah and can never be wrong. Tame your ego and learn to overlook what they said.
3) Choose to love, not hate: In a dispute with loved ones, Shaytaan tries to divide us. No matter how great the dispute may be, focus on the love you have for them in your heart. For those who are married, how often have you had argued with your wife? Perhaps you both uttered terrible words to each other. But a week later, both forgive and move on. It is all forgotten which shows that there is love in that relationship, for hate can never lead to forgiveness, only love can. Thus, cultivate love in your heart. Don’t sow the seeds of hatred.
4) Remember the hereafter and move on: Sometimes, people don’t move on as quickly. Little arguments are escalated so much, breaking down relationships that were once precious. Days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months and sadly, months turn into years, with hearts still soured by past disputes. There are fathers who are unjust and sons who cannot be respectful or humble. Both assume they are right and refuse to apologise. Wounds deepen and time distances them apart. They are now both wrong for holding on to a dispute and grudge.
During that time, death could overtake them. If so, this dispute will now be presented in the court of Allah, to be resolved in front of Allah. One person will be more right than the other. Now imagine that on account of the son, the father enters hellfire or vice versa. How heart-breaking would that be for both! Sometimes, two brothers refuse to forgive and forget. Imagine a father seeing his two sons fight in the court of Allah, how heart-breaking.
When Umar رضي الله عنه was fatally stabbed during Salah, his first question was who killed him. Most would ask this first, with the intention of seeking revenge or justice. However, unlike most, Umar رضي الله عنه only had Allah and His Rasool ﷺ in mind. The Sahaaba رضي الله عنهم informed him that it was Feroz, the Persian slave. Immediately, he thanked Allah that it was not a Muslim who killed him. Despite being right, he did not want to bring a dispute with a Muslim in the court of Allah.
He knew how beloved the entire Ummah was to Nabi ﷺ. Nabi ﷺ prayed and cried profusely for us. Wouldn’t it hurt the heart of Nabi ﷺ, to watch his people dispute on the Day of Judgement? We talk about unity in the Ummah but how can we unite, if we refuse to humble ourselves and live in harmony with our fellow brothers and sisters?
5) Negotiate: Come to an agreement, even if you have to take raw end of the bargain. If the dispute is over some land, property or item and there is no other solution, let it go. Remember if we fall short in huqooqullah (our rights towards Allah), Allah will forgive us. If we fall short in huqooqul ibaad (our rights towards people), we will have to pay. It is better to pay in this world instead of leaving it until the hereafter, where the currency will be our good deeds.
After the era of the Sahaaba رضي الله عنهم, a Tabi’een started digging and found treasure. It was in the boundary between his land and another Muslim’s plot of land, making it unclear who the treasure truly belonged to. We would think that finders are keepers but this Tabi’een became so distressed, he offered the treasure to his Muslim brother. He refused to accept it and offered it back, as he did not want to usurp his right. Both began disputing, refusing to accept the treasure. They took this to the ruler who asked if they have children. Both replied in the affirmative. He passed a ruling that one son should marry the other’s daughter, and this treasure should be gifted to them. That way, both sides will benefit.
When two brothers fight, in Gujarati there is a common saying – Where did the ghee go? It went to the same pot. In other words, regardless of which brother takes the land or property, it’s still staying in the same family of brothers. We should broaden this pot to the whole Ummah. If a Muslim brother acquires more land than you, think of him as your fellow brother in the Ummah. Remember than Shaytaan will try to escalate disputes to the hereafter, but the Sunnah is to de-escalate it quickly in this world. May Allah grant us the ability to do so, aameen.
— Shaykh Dawood Seedat حفظه اللّٰه
Above is an extract from Shaykh’s talk on 14/1/19 in Masjid-ut-Taqwa, Pietermaritzburg. To listen to the full talk, please click here.
