Allah says, “O you who have believed, (look) after your (own) selves. He who errs (cannot) harm you when you are (rightly) guided” (Qur’an, 5:105). It is incumbent upon every believer to give Dawah and to assist others in their time need. However, our first priority, as highlighted in this ayah, is to take care of ourselves. A person once approached Mufti Ebrahim Salejee to seek advice about issues at work. Mufti Ebrahim informed him that you have a right to be happy. For the heart to focus in worship, it needs to be at peace. This is a greater priority than work itself.
Once we are at peace with ourselves, Islam has ordained that we look ahead and assist others. This too, must be within the boundaries of Shariah. Shaykh Maseehullah Khan رحمه اللّٰه once mentioned in a majlis, that our fikr (concern) over others must be within the boundaries that Allah has made us responsible over. There is no need to exceed the limits. If we do so, we will find ourselves in greater problems. For example, women are required to take care of their children and husbands. In addition to this, some women attend to the extra needs of their in-laws or extended family, which is commendable if she can maintain a balance. If she cannot and her extra work is causing her to become irritated with her family or usurp their rights, then she should reconsider her choices, find a way to balance patiently, or reduce her workload.
The same applies to men. If a man’s cousin sister calls and complains about a marital issue, it is commendable to see to it. However, to invest hours and days into this and neglect his own wife and family due to it, is incorrect. He is not a mahram to this cousin sister. Some men feel obliged to assist because she called him, she asked him first before anyone else. It makes him feel important. Understand that it is more important to fulfil the rights of your wife and family first. Thereafter, assist her while bearing in mind that you cannot sort out everyone’s problems. Only Allah can. Thus, do what you can. Allah will do the rest.
Islam has given us guidelines in how to take care of ourselves and our Imaan. The Faraaidh (compulsory acts) and wujoob (necessary acts) should be prioritized, as we will be held accountable for these on the day of Judgement. It is a sin to omit them. After these, one can focus on the sunnan and nawaafil. To mix this order will cause us greater harm than good. There was a young man in the time of Umar رضي اللّٰه عنه who would frequent the masjid for Salah. One day, he was absent for Fajr Salah. Umar noticed. After Salah, he went to his home to enquire about him. His mother opened the door. She informed him that her son spent the entire night in Tahajjud Salah. Just before Fajr, he fell asleep and he could not wake him up again for Fajr Salah. Umar رضي اللّٰه عنه responded that it doesn’t please me to worship the whole night and then miss my fardh. In other words, it would have been better for him to fulfill his faraaidh (Fajr Salah) rather than omit it due to nawaafil.
Some people intend to keep fit, but to enter a gym where there is music and women dressed immodestly is haraam. Doing this will lead to sins rather than rewards. The same applies to swimming which is Sunnah, but entering a beach with nudity to swim is haraam. Our noble intentions should be carried out in permissible ways to secure rewards. If we choose impermissible routes, the route will cancel out the rewards and we will secure sins instead.
Different people can pick up different weights, as not everyone has the same physical strength. Likewise, in life not everyone has the same spiritual strength. When we hear of stories of the past about Aishah رضي اللّٰه عنها giving all her nafaqah money away, or Abu Bakr رضي اللّٰه عنه giving all his wealth away in the battle of Tabuk, bear in mind that Allah blessed them with a far greater level of spiritual strength. These feats where within their limits. Nabi ﷺ did encourage charity but he has also advised to start with the family first and to not give so much, that we end up in a problem. In our era, some people can do more works of deen than others. We must not extend our gaze to them and try to do what they do. Focus on building your own strength. Do what is manageable without neglecting the faraaidh and wujoob.
Some men are faced with a dilemma wherein his mother and wife are both demanding and competing for his attention and time. This can become overwhelming. In such situations, he should fulfill both of their rights first. That is waajib. Thereafter if they remain dissatisfied, that is beyond his control, for which he will not be questioned on the day of Judgement. In all dilemmas our primary concern must always be; What does Allah want? What is fardh and waajib, what are my duties and responsibilities? Fulfill those first. To prioritize in this manner is an important principle in the life of a believer. May Allah grant us the understanding, aameen.
— Shaykh Dawood Seedat حفظه اللّٰه
Above is an extract from Shaykh’s talk on 2/6/19 in Masjid-ut-Taqwa, Pietermaritzburg. To listen to the full talk, please click here.