How to be patient and grateful in marriage

Our relationship with our wives is for the pleasure of Allah. We often forget – the institute of marriage is Ibadah (worship). It all comes with its test and trails. When we forget this and our intentions become corrupt, we begin fighting, swearing and shouting. Some men even become abusive. However, for a believer whose heart and intentions are corrected, in times of trial he will remember…my marriage is an ibaadah for the pleasure of Allah. I took Allah’s name along with the hand of my wife, so I must make shukr and bear her fault, she bears mine, and we live together.

Some men have an inflated ego. They think that if a lady marries us, we are heavens gift to earth. I proposed, so she must make shukr. Now, if she makes one mistake we get upset and uptight. When a person wants to buy a motorcar, everyone wants to buy a Lamborghini and Ferrari. Everyone wants these cars but a person looks at his situation. If he can’t afford it he makes shukr for his Toyota and carries on. So nikah is the same. Make shukr for what you have! Why do we think I can change her and get another? What Allah gave me, I must make shukr.

Before buying a car he does his homework and then he buys it. Before marriage do your homework and once you enter into the sacred union, look after her for the pleasure of Allah. Make sabr and shukr. In trials say that khair, I am Allah’s banda and you are Allah’s bandi (slave). let’s try to make the best of life and move forward and carry on. Then Allah looks down favourably upon them because they are making shukr.

Nowadays we become so impatient. If a lady cannot have a child, is that any fault of hers? No, of course not. Yet the In-laws keep harping and the husband keeps picking on her, as though she is to blame. Or if she does give birth he says that why did you give birth to girl? Yet, that is distribution of Allah. Is that her fault? Sometimes a lady gets a thyroid problem, she grows up (i.e she puts on weight). The husband then says that I can’t stay with you now; you have gone out of shape. But is that in her control? Besides, round is a shape. So we mustn’t treat people like this otherwise, how will our fate be on the Day of Judgement? Imagine if Allah picks on our every fault, like we do to people. May Allah save us!

Don’t think selfishly with your wives, be considerate. We think for ourselves yet Nabi ﷺ spent His whole life thinking and sacrificing for others. The Quran mentions how the Sahaaba رضي الله عنهم preferred others over themselves. They learnt this from Nabi ﷺ. Our akabireen have learnt it from their elders. Now we too, must learn how to be selfless and implement it in our relations with others.

May Allah make us sincere, selfless believers, Aameen.

— Hazrat Ml. Dawood Seedat حفظه الله

Above is an extract from Hazrat’s talk on 21/3/2016 in Masjid-ut-Taqwa, Pietermaritzburg. To listen to the full audio, please click here.

Leave a Reply