Category Archives: Marriage

Be wary of whom you take your deen from

To read this article/transcript, please click on the PDF below:

Be wary of whom you take your deen from

Introductory Note: On the 22nd of August 2017 a marriage conference was held at the Sandton Convention Centre, Johannesburg. Scholars flew in from all over the world to give speeches. The conference was branded as Islamic. However, on the day many laws of the Shariah were violated. This includes free-mixing, acts in which very dirty jokes were made, insults towards the marriage of Nabi ﷺ and utter disrespect towards the noble Abu Hurairah (RA).

In this talk, Hazrat Ml. Dawood Seedat (DB) spoke about these violations and their great, long-term consequences. Hazrat also made mention of the Eidgah in Durban and the Ship cruise. The commonality between all three events is the modernisation of deen caused by lack of ilm and not seeking the guidance of true, upright Scholars. This modernisation is a global problem. The primary advice contained in this transcript deals with the causes of modernisation and how to combat them in light of the Sunnah. Hazrat further speaks about whom we can take our deen from and whom we should avoid, making this transcript one that is applicable to all.

Lastly, any mistakes are the error of the compiler for which I seek Allah’s forgiveness and the reader’s pardon. May Allah accept Hazrat’s work and efforts, aameen.

 

Why can’t we invite non-Muslims to our weddings, funerals or the Ka’bah?

The question may come to mind – why can’t we invite non-Muslims to our Nikaahs and Janaazahs or to the Kabah? The reason why is because we need Allah’s mercy most in these times, but the disbelief in their hearts attract the wrath of Allah. Sometimes during a Janaazah, non-Muslims wish to attend to pay their respects. They can visit the home but if they attend the actual Janaazah, their presence will deprive the deceased of Allah’s mercy, as their presence attracts His wrath.

Janaazah and Nikaahs are worship and for that to be accepted, we cannot mix it with those that do not worship. Having said that, we must be extremely wise and careful in how we do this. Never hurt the feelings of others. Handle the situation with love and consideration, do not break hearts or burn bridges. The way to do this is to invite them at other times and to always treat them well. This is how we remain balanced – by fulfilling their rights but keeping our worship separate.

— Hazrat Ml. Dawood Seedat حفظه الله

(Above is a short point Hazrat made in his Jum’ah talk on 28/7/17. To listen to the full talk, please click here.)

Pornography

Allah is watching

(Below is an article by Hazrat Ml. Yunus Patel رحمة الله عليه, taken from www.yunuspatel.co.za)

WE ALL KNOW THAT FISH LIVE IN WATER. They generally cannot survive long out of water. However, when fish move towards the surface of the ocean, they become easy catch for fishermen – like we find with the sardine run. People just grab, net and catch sardines from the surface of the water.

And when a fisherman catches a fine fish, he reels it in. He does not throw it back into the sea. Once it is hooked … once it is caught … it is pulled out. …Why? Because fish out of water, when scaled and washed, when ‘masaalaad[1] and fried, tastes nice.

In my Dua, I normally say: O Allah, make us the fish that swim deep down in the ocean of Your Ma’rifat.

Like the fish, the Believer is swimming deep in the safety of Allah Ta’ala’s ocean of love. If he moves towards temptation, he makes an easy and fine catch for shaytaan.

Do we want to become a meal for shaytaan? …Because this is exactly what happens to the heart of the Believer who dashes for the bait of sins: His Imaan is ‘scaled’, his good deeds are ‘washed away’, his heart and soul are ‘marinated’ in darkness and fried in the fire of restlessness – to the delight of shaytaan. Allah Ta’ala forbid that this restless soul has to also one day contend with the fire of Hell.

Many write that they are hooked onto porn films and porn magazines. They fall for the bait which shaytaan tempts them with, get hooked and end up ruining their spiritual, mental and physical health.

Pornography is one of the root causes of insanity.

Those who have the habit of viewing pornography generally do so at night. They spend the day working and the night watching filth. They are overcome with restlessness and are deprived of sleep. Sleep deprivation is a one way ticket to mental instability. In the long-term, the brain is badly damaged, and the person loses his sanity. He ends up in an asylum or shoots himself.

One young brother contacted me saying that he had a porn addiction. He knew it is haraam but said he just could not give up the sin. He would secretly watch pornography, late at night, after the family went to sleep. And then, one night, whilst watching porn, there was a tremor.

The building began to shake and everyone got up, running down the stairs in their pyjamas, running helter skelter, fearing the worst, expecting that was their end. He said that at that time, my Dua hit his heart: “O Allah! Do not let the Angel of death find us in any sin, in gambling, drinking, pornography!”

He immediately made sincere Taubah. But it took a real life shake up to get him to give up the sin. He was fortunate that he was granted the opportunity of repenting, otherwise what would have been the condition, returning to Allah Ta’ala whilst viewing pornography?

I generally give the following reply to those who write saying they are addicted to porn:

Allah Ta’ala forbid, if some criminal has to put a gun to your head, will you say: ‘It is difficult for me to stop watching this porn. I am addicted. Please allow me to watch all these filthy pictures first before you blow my head.’ …Or will you start reading Duas for Allah Ta’ala to protect you?

Similarly, death is following us all. What if the Angel of Death visits at that time to extract your soul? Would you want your life to end while watching porn – because the Angel of Death will not give you time to switch off the computer and make Taubah?

Imagine if you die when viewing pornography. What an embarrassment and disgrace! Thereafter, people will ask – as is common: “How did he die? When? Where? What was he doing?” – Would you like that people say: “He died in front of the computer and he was watching a dirty film.”

Rasulullah ﷺ  was asked: ‘What is Imaan?’

Rasulullah ﷺ  replied: When your good deeds give you happiness and when your evil deeds cause you grief.’[2]

If reading porn magazines, watching filthy movies, being involved in some illicit relationship, drinking, gambling and indulging in other sins does not create any remorse and sorrow and instead we are expressing happiness over sins, where is our Imaan?

One situation is that the person engages in some sin but then genuinely regrets. However, when there is persistence and enjoyment in sins,where is Imaan? Deriving pleasure in Haraam indicates to pollution in the heart. The heart needs to be washed and cleaned with sincere Taubah and needs to be polished with Zikrullah.

At least recognize sin as sin. Detest it. This is Imaan. The person has Imaan if he is feeling unhappy and grieved when he has displeased Allah Ta’ala. Understand that whatever Allah Ta’ala enjoins upon us and forbids us from is in our best interests; for our benefit, advantage, well-being and success.

Hazrat Abdullah Ibn Mubarak رحمة الله عليه who was a great Wali of Allah Ta’ala, summed up the consequences of sins, saying: “I see that sins cause death to the heart and becoming addicted to the sins brings about humiliation and disgrace. On the other hand, abandoning sins gives life to the heart. So it is best for you to disobey the nafs.”

May Allah Ta’ala grant us the Taufeeq to give up all sins and purify our hearts and souls and may Allah Ta’ala grant us death, when He is pleased with us.

Valentine’s day

pink hearts

There are many people who feel the need to express their love on this day. Men say that I do not have an illicit beloved therefore I am not doing anything haraam, I am merely taking my wife out for dinner! I am going to buy roses for her, I am going to buy a ring for her…it is for my wife, not anybody else! So how can this be wrong? my wife is my Valentine’s.

We have the womenfolk who are also guilty (of encouraging husbands to recognise and celebrate Valentine’s day). They know a man very conveniently forgets these dates because it is expensive for them. Womenfolk are sharp, when the radio is playing and they say something on Valentine’s, she puts it a little bit louder so her husband can hear. Or if there is a newspaper with an article on Valentine’s day, she puts that newspaper in his way to ensure that he sees it. On the day she may ask him, “Hey, what is the date today?” she does not ask any other day but on that day she is curious. Why? So if he has forgotten, he can make last minute arrangements.

Now this is all Shaytan’s plot. Allah has permitted and encouraged us to show love everyday, so why choose this day specifically? The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said that whoever resembles a nation, he will be counted from amongst them.

Therefore, if we anticipate Valentine’s day and encourage the public sin by celebrating ourselves, we will be counted amongst them on the day of judgement. Do we really want this? If the founder of Valentine’s day died upon disbelief, the poor fellow is busy frying now. Do we actually want to follow his footsteps and fry too in the hereafter?

Look into the history of Valentine’s and you will find filthy customs took place on this day. We need to ask ourselves; does this day have anything to do with our deen and sunnah? No. However, we will find links with Christianity, atheism and polytheism. Therefore, those men who are intending to impress their wives on this day and those women who are expecting their husbands to impress them on this day, should make tawba (i.e. repent). Because we know that Valentine’s day has nothing to do with deen but it has got everything to do with shirk! Its origins are soaked in shirk.

Remember, a believer must make sabr. And a part of making sabr is to stay very far away from things that have nothing to do with deen. And this Valentine’s nonsense is definitely one of them.

May Allah safeguard us, Aameen.

— Hazrat Maulana Dawood Seedat حفظه الله

(The above is a transcript of Hazrat’s short lecture on Valentine’s day. To listen to that short audio clip, please click here.)

In Islam do wives have to cook, clean and live with inlaws?

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A man who gets married should continue making khidmah of his parents (i.e. serving them). It is not his wife’s duty, if she wishes to do it then she will be rewarded immensely. However, if she is unable to do so for any reason, he has no right to get upset with her. He should serve them.

A lady recently emailed me saying that she cooks, cleans and serves her inlaws dutifully. After completing all these chores, eventually she sits down at the table to eat her share of the meal. But in that duration whilst she is eating, her father in law calls her 5-6 times to get up from the table and do something for him.

This attitude is absolutely incorrect, a father in laws cannot be so demanding! She has every right to refuse to cook and tell her husband to cook instead or find a cook. But alhamdulillah our wives are not like that. Despite such struggles, many women continue to live with their inlaws and cook for them. So we must appreciate them, not take advantage!

A husband citing these points in an argumentative way against his wife is incorrect. Our deen is a balanced one that gives rights to everyone. If we misunderstand these rights and limits of deen we will make zulm rather than khidmah.

Therefore, if you are in doubt or if you misunderstand an aspect of deen, seek guidance from ulama.

Often a man wants to stay with his parents to look after them, but his wife is not happy because she knows that it is not working between her and her inlaws. He too is aware of this, he too knows that his parents are being unreasonable in their treatment towards his wife. So why is he continuing to subject his wife to that struggle? Yes, he may be the only son and with his parents ageing, of course, he should not abandon them.

But wives have rights too. If they are making life a misery for his wife then he should separate his house. Give her her own section that they do not have access to. That way, she can have her own privacy and peace. She can cook, send food and visit them when she wishes too. And when she needs her space, she can go to her section of the home. That is her right.

Instead of this balanced approach, some husbands are adamant and think that no, I must serve parents. Yes, do so, but shariah does not advocate that we give due right to one person, at the expense of another. This is zulm (i.e oppression), not the itidaal (i.e balance) that our deen calls towards.

May Allah make grant us tawfiq, Aameen.

— Hazrat Ml. Dawood Seedat حفظه الله

(Above is an extract from Hazrat’s dhikr majlis on 30/1/2016. To listen to the full audio, please click here.)

Guarding the Gaze

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Nabi صلي الله عليه وسلم said that the person who guards against the temptation of casting lustful glances, Allah ﷻ will grant him the sweetness of Imaan.

In our current era, it has become extremely easy to become involved in the sin of casting lustful glances. If one skims through a newspaper or what used to be regarded as ‘family magazines’, one will become overawed by the amount of near pornographic material that is available. The reality is – we no longer see this as a problem, due to the frequency and availability of such material.

There are so many other types of sins, but why is it that the sweetness of Imaan is so closely related to guarding against lustful glances (as stated in the hadeeth)?

This is due to a few reason. Firstly, sometimes when we avoid a sin, it is because our circumstances do not allow it. For example, a person who wants to commit the act of adultery, a willing partner is required and some logistical arrangements need to be made. If a person does not have a partner or arrangements then he cannot commit this sin. So it could be said that he abstained due to the inconvenience (not out of sincere desire to please Allah ﷻ).

However on the other hand, in the act of casting lustful glances, no willing partner is required. The secrecy of this sin is such that there is no physical evidence to prove it, most people may not notice, but Allah ﷻ sees and knows. Therefore, the abstention from this sin can only be attributed to the person’s love and fear of Allah ﷻ, and his high level of sincerity.

Secondly, for every other worship Allah ﷻ has stipulated a reward. However for fasting Allah ﷻ has mentioned Himself as the reward. Why? Because worship tends to have a physical form that people can see…e.g movement in prayers and hajj. But fasting has no form for people to see, so it’s a sincere act done only for Allah ﷻ, leading to its great reward. Similarly protecting ones gaze is only for Allah ﷻ, hence the tremendous virtue in it.

(Advice imparted by Hazrat Maulana Dawood Seedat حفظه الله)

Cheating, gambling and womanizing: How Allah exposes a sinner, out of His mercy!

imageAny amal you do, do it for Allah ﷻ. Don’t worry what this person and that person said. All those doubts, kick it out of our mind. You want to do something? Do it for Allah ﷻ. How much you can do, do. Whatever you can’t do, leave it out. Don’t get involved in politics. Don’t hurt people. Don’t read too much into things. Two people brought a dispute to Nabi صلي الله عليه وسلم who responded that I have to pass judgment on zaahir (I.e that which is apparent). After this, if someone does something wrong then Allah ﷻ is watching and He will deal with it.

We too, have to adapt to this. Especially spouses, we have men who, when cheating, may have two phones. He’s a couch potato yet the second the wife walks towards his ringing phone, he suddenly becomes an athlete. Why? He’s hiding something. The cheated upon spouse becomes a policewoman. Now she’s monitoring, constantly worried. You can’t blame her but overtime, this does get frustrating. The spouse guilty of disloyalty now plays the guilt card, he says, don’t you trust me?

So for the innocent spouse it’s a worrying, constrained life. The best way to deal with it is to leave it to Allah ﷻ. Because if the spouse is being disloyal, who is he being disloyal to? He is being disloyal to Allah ﷻ first. We can duck and dive from humans, but we can’t duck and dive from Allah ﷻ! So if someone is doing wrong, Allah ﷻ will expose them. Just like Allah ﷻ exposed him the first time, if he continues to be disloyal, Allah ﷻ will expose him again.

Nabi صلي الله عليه وسلم mentioned in a hadeeth, that enter from the front door when you come home. Meaning, don’t go through the back door, peaking, to see what she’s up to. This hadeeth shows us we mustn’t look around for evidence, Allah ﷻ will expose a cheater if he continues to cheat.

Generally with any sin, first Allah ﷻ will give us a chance to reform. When we don’t appreciate the chance, after a few times Allah ﷻ makes it such that man almost gets caught, but he makes a lucky escape and he gets away. Now if he still doesn’t make tawba, then he gets caught. 9 out of 10 times a close one who has his goodness at heart will catch him out. This close one will give advice and naseeha, discouraging him from the sin. Now if he still continues, then eventually Allah ﷻ exposes him in public. Allah ﷻ embarrasses the person, that too is mercy from Allah ﷻ. That now it’s out in the open, make tawba and Istighfar before you die! With getting away….how long are you going to get away for? There’s no getting away after death!

So this is generally Allah’s system. He gives us repeated chances to make tawba. With gambling, womanizing and cheating…generally, this is what happens when a person gets exposed. Of course there are some exceptions as always. And, it’s not always the man who cheats. When a man cheats, who does he cheat with? Obviously a woman.

May Allah ﷻ save us, Aameen.

(The above is an extract from a bayan delivered by Hazrat Maulana Dawood Seedat حفظه الله click here.)

How to be patient and grateful in Marriage

patience-gratitude

Anything we do, we must focus on our heart. In the hospital, they are constantly checking the pulse of a patient; we must also constantly check our hearts and intentions. Hazrat Maulana Yunus Patel رحمة الله عليه once met a big businessman in Saudi who began speaking about his work and wealth. Then Hazrat رحمة الله عليه looked down. The businessman was puzzled to which Hazrat رحمة الله عليه responded that I’m just checking my heart. I’m checking that now do I see you as an oil well because you’re telling me your investments and how much you’re worth, or do I see you as a container in which the love of Allah ﷻ can be poured in?

Even in the home, our relationship with the wife is for the pleasure of Allah ﷻ. We often forget – the institute of nikah is an Ibadah and it all comes with its test and trails. When we forget this and our intentions become corrupt, we begin fighting, swearing, shouting and some even become abusive! However, for a believer whose heart and intention is corrected, in times of trial he will remember…my marriage is an ibaadah for the pleasure of Allah ﷻ. I took Allah’s name along with the hand of my wife, so now I must make shukr and bear her fault, she bears mine, and we live together.

If a lady marries us, we feel we are heavens gift to earth. I proposed, so she must make shukr! Now, if she makes one mistake we get upset and uptight. When a person wants to buy a motorcar, everyone wants to buy a Lamborghini and Ferrari. Everyone wants these cars but a person looks at his situation. If he can’t afford it he makes shukr for his Toyota and carries on. So nikah is the same…make shukr for what you have! Why do we think I can change her and get another? What Allah ﷻ gave me, I must make shukr.

Before buying a car he does his homework and then he buys it. Before marriage do your homework and once you enter into the sacred union, look after her for the pleasure of Allah ﷻ. Make sabr and shukr. In trials say that khair, I am Allah’s Banda and you are Allah’s bandi. let’s try to make the best of life and move forward and carry on. Then Allah ﷻ looks down favourably upon them because they are making shukr!

Nowadays we become so impatient. If a lady cannot have a child…is that any fault of hers? No, of course not! Yet the In-laws keep harping and the husband keeps picking on her, as though she is to blame! Or if she does give birth he says thatwhy did you give birth to girl? Yet, that’s distribution of Allah ﷻ! Is that her fault? Sometimes a lady gets thyroid problem, she grows up (i.e she fattens up). The husband then says that no, i can’t stay with you now; you’ve gone out of shape! But is that in her control? So we mustn’t treat people like this otherwise, how will our fate be on the day of judgement? Imagine if Allah ﷻ picks on our every fault, like we do to people…may Allah ﷻ save us!

Don’t think selfishly, be considerate. We think for ourselves yet Nabi صلي الله عليه وسلم spent His whole life thinking and sacrificing for others! The Quran mentions how the Sahaaba رضي الله عنهم preferred others over themselves. They learnt this from Nabi صلي الله عليه وسلم. Our akabireen have learnt it from their elders. Now we too, must learn how to be selfless and implement it in our relations with others.

May Allah make us sincere, selfless believers, Aameen.

(The above is an extract from a lecture delivered by Hazrat Maulana Dawood Seedat حفظه الله . To listen to the full audio, please click here.)